ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
