I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
