i permit you to call me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
