At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
