at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
