why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
