Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im six kinds of drunk right now
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
