yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
