a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
