I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
