There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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