the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
