I'm eating all of the evidence.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
