Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
