Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He did a backflip because drugs
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