haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
