i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
