"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
