Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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