Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he fucked my hip out of place.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
