You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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