The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
