paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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