"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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