closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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