I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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