just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
