dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
