it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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