Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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