Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
