i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
