I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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