You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
