i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
how drunk are you?
Several
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
