Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
