I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i out mim tonsoeep
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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