you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I sprained my soul last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
