He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
