FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
