I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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