My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
