Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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