I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
