my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
