I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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