Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
