dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
