I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
