i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
