I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
