Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
