i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
