I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
