Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
