So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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